I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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