I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
