i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
