Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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