So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
