so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
