All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
