the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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