If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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