then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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