Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
