just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize