How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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