In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
