Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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