I bet he comes in French.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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