He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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