Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize