So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
