2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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