The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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