Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
