Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
