You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
