I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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