Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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