you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
