If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
