I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
