Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
