Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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