So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
