So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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