this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize