i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
