I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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