peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
