his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
