Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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