last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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