im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
