I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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