Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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