hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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