Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
