Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
