There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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