Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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