Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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