a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
