we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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