Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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