Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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