maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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