Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
