Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
