My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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