you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just cropdusted the office
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
