I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
