he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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