i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
