my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize