I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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